IN MEMORIAM (2/3/13)

(An Ode to Friendships Past)

What is a memory?

Is it a reconstruction of the way things were

or of the way we wish they were

or of the way we wish they weren't?

Is it a moment that has passed

or one that continues to grow in new soil

or one that is rewound and played over and over

or one that becomes our future?

Does it make us nostalgic for what once was

or bitter over what can no longer be

or wondering if it ever was to begin with?

Are memories tied to certain people

or are they applicable to all people

or just the people we care about most

or just the people who can hurt us most?

I remember you. (And you.)

I remember feeling understood and appreciated

I remember feeling free to share my deepest secrets

I remember feeling me.

But maybe I was feeling you instead.

Maybe when you left it was because of a memory you had

or a memory I had

or a memory we shared through a different lens.

Maybe you were a good memory

but not how you made me feel at the end

not the insecurity and doubt that I associate with you

and anyone like you

and anyone else.

The thing is

you can't go back in time

you can't recreate the scenario with a different ending

you can't make people stay in your life despite how much you need them to

you can't unremember.

But you can unforget.

You can recall the good parts

the warm feelings

the genuine laughter

the shared experiences.

Those don't go away

even if you do.

So when I meet you again

in a different form

in a different place

in a different time

I will do my best to free you from the hold of my remembering.

I will do my best to unforget you.

The you that isn't really you.